"Why do you want to be Jewish?" 
~That one question has inspired me to write about just that. Exploring the history of religion, our roots and reasons behind holidays and biblical or rabbinical laws can open doorways that once seemed locked forever.~
When people hear that I no longer celebrate Christmas or believe in the concept of Jesus being God, the typical christian reponse or thought would be, "Hey, there's another soul to save". However, when I tell people I'm converting to Judaism, the response shifts to confusion or curiousity. The automatic response is, "Why do you want to be Jewish?"
That one question has inspired me to write about just that. I hope one day this journey can find its way to a bookstore shelf so many others can perhaps, discover things they always wondered or never thought to ask.
Exploring the history of religion, our roots and reasons behind holidays and biblical or rabbinical laws can open doorways that once seemed locked forever.
So... why did I choose Judaism? Why couldn't I be content with christianity? Well, I was content with my beliefs (or so I thought) until.....
Shortly after my husband and I were married, he told me of his desire to be Jewish. At first I excused this as a whim decision or a phase because
he had never mentioned anything regarding Judaism or religion before. I began to see that he wanted more than just to learn about what Judaism was. He wanted to live a Jewish life.
I decided to take this change seriously after I saw his sincerity of learning about this religion. At the time, I knew absolutely nothing about Judaism or Jewish people. I remembered learning about the Holocaust in school and reading The Diary of Anne Frank. I assumed whatever eye-opening, or perhaps life altering, dream he had was merely a step for him to take, to achieve some kind of spiritual awareness. Determined to believe that I wasn't ready for my spiritual wake up call, I just accepted my husbands desire to change or learn, thinking it was meant for only him.
Little by little he invested in more books covering a wide range of topics, most of them being basic knowledge of the the Jewish calendar, beliefs and customs. A few months after began to learn the basics of Judaism, he decided to call a Rabbi about conversion. However, I wasn't ready to dive
into this with him. I still thought that since I did not get a wake up call this was not meant for me.
In our conversation with the Rabbi, I feel that he knew this wasn't completely a mutaul decision, so he just told us to continue to study. During that year I thought it would be good to learn more about Judaism just so I would have some knowledge of the religion my husband wanted to follow.
I found the history and traditions of Judaism to be remarkable. And I agreed with many Orthodox views regarding Jewish Law. But I still wasn't sure if it was a way of life for me. One day I thought to myself about life, my future, and my family. I thought about possible things I could gain or lose from remaining a christian, or rather remaining non-observant to any religion. I realized that the primary thing holding me back from wanting to live a Jewish life was fear, the fear of change. Actaully, I was scared of living different, scared of the possibility of failure, and scared of people judging or hating me.
But inside I knew that living a Jewish life would be fulfilling,
meaningful, spiritual and gratifying. But with my fear of change and my fear of failure I also knew that if I decided to change my life and my religion, it would not come easily.
After studying with my husband for a year I expressed my desire to call the Rabbi again about conversion. I was full of fear and anxiety, but I knew changing my life for the better was long overdue. I had to put my fears aside and think about my family. I knew this decision would strengthen the relationship between my husband and I, as well as, give new meaning to my life and future. I knew my children would also benefit from this type of life, and we would all have a better, more fulfilling life ahead together.
We met with another local Orthodox Rabbi in our community, told him our story, and expressed our desire to embrace this religion and way of life.
He welcomed us, which brought tears to my eyes. It was a very emotional time, filled with hope, happiness and anxiety. Knowing that this well educated man of the Torah and Judaism felt that we were ready and able to work towards becoming a Jewish family was overwhelming. We began studying with the Rabbi and attending the synagogue in our area immediately, we continued to buy every Jewish book we could get
our hands on. We attended a Jewish class once a week studied one on one with the Rabbi, as well as, on our own.
After studying for 3 years the Rabbi asked us if we felt ready to go
in front of a Beit Din (rabbinical court) and finish our conversion. We wanted a little more time just to make sure we were ready. Then we discovered that we did not have a Beit Din in our state.
The surrounding states would only perform local conversions. We had two choices. We could go to Florida or Brooklyn, NY. We lived in Little Rock, Arkansas and both places were very far to travel and very costly. We were not financially well off and simply could not afford the financial expenses that the trip would cost including any Beit Din fees. We decided to wait even longer to convert so we could save up money to make this trip.
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