If you are wrestling with how to get the alcoholic/addict to stop drinking, or how to get the alcoholic/addict to change back to the person they once were, or how to get the alcoholic/addict to love you, or how to get the alcoholic/addict to start acting responsiblyThe answer is simple: That is not who they are anymore. They are who they are. You are who you are. What is, is. If who they are and who you are become incompatible, then you get out of the relationship.
In other words, you either accept the alcoholic/addict for who they are, or you leave the relationship. You either accept their drinking, smoking crack, lying, fooling around, irresponsibility, abusiveness, and multitude of other unacceptable behaviors or you leave the relationship.
In any relationship, you either accept the person for who they are, or you are not in a relationship with them. If you accept who a person is, then you do not complain about their behavior. So, you only have one question to answer and one decision to make: Is who you are compatible with who they are?
It is that simple. To think otherwise is to remain in denial. You cannot control another person. You cannot change another person. Period. Stop trying. You are NOT responsible for the alcoholic/addict’s recovery in any way, shape, or form. You are only responsible for YOUR recovery. Be about it.
You can either take care of the problem now, or suffer longer and STILL take care of the problem later. Either way, you WILL take care of it eventually, or die from the pain. Your choice.
So often, we fall in love with who we want the person to be, not with who they really are. We fall in love with the potential we see in them and ignore the reality of who they are now. If you’ve ever said or thought, "I can change him/her," then you have accepted the alcoholic/addict—not for who they are now—but for who you want them to be. This can only result in heartache—for both of you.
What is, is. The sooner you come to terms with "what is," the sooner you will find strength, freedom, and happiness.
If you think the above is incorrect, then you are only fooling yourself. If you have not yet survived and grown beyond an alcoholic/addict relationship, then you owe it to yourself to listen to those of us who have. We know.
To be rather blunt, you can cry all the tears in your well; you can feel all the pain and rage stored up in your soul; you can live in utter misery on a daily basis, you can vent your frustrations to others a thousand times, and guess what? Nothing will change. Nothing.
Nothing will change, that is, until YOU change, because that is all you can change. Just YOU… not the alcoholic,not the addict, not whether they call, or whether they get sloshed; not whether they yell or scream obscenities, not whether they go to rehab, and on and on and on. Nothing will change until you change, and if nothing changes, then nothing changes.
Now, be about changing the only person that you can ever hope to change—YOU. Stop with the multitude of excuses as to why you can’t resolve your alcoholic/addict relationship. Your friends, your family, and especially you are tired of hearing all the reasons why you can’t. Start coming up with all the reasons why you CAN.
The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll be free.
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