"There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them."
Andre Gide

Why are those partnered with NPs so unwilling to sever an obviously disasterous relationship? Why are they so treatment resistant even with professional therapists? Why are they unable or unwilling to detach and move on? We hope the following list will provide some insight, and the 'ouch' factor of self awareness in our journey of learning and healing and eventually separating ourselves from an abuser and moving on to a more fulfilling life.

These fears and behaviours are precisely what NPs target.

Most people will recognize
about 6-8 items in themselves from the following list.

You are not alone.

1. I'm afraid of being alone or fear of being alone forever.

2. I wanted to be a stay at home type. If I leave I'll have to support myself and I believed him when he said he would 'take care of me'.

3. I haven't worked for ages my self confidence is gone. I don't think I could even sharpen pencils anymore.

4. What? Stop whining and actually make a decision and do something?

5. I can't control myself with No Contact. I'm compulsively driven to contact him. I struggle with detaching.

6. I enjoy the rollercoaster chaos in his life. Everything else seems dull.

7. I fear what he will do. I'm afraid to say no because he might yell and get upset.

8. I have mental problems myself.

9. Remaining in denial and focusing on his abuse means I don't have to look at my own problems.

10. Fear of the unknown stops me from making decisions.

11. M.O.N.E.Y

12. Confusing marriage vows and martyrdom.

"This is not a forum for wimps is it LOL"
...Matilda

The dread of lonliness is greater than the dread of bondage, so we get married."
Cyril Connolly