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Dear Me:
I do realize that I want to forgive him, but I hold much anger toward him. I should not send emails to him, please, he is a psychopath and my emails are not heard. I think part of my anger is the lack of acknowledgement of my experience. He knows what he did, he does not care.
In matter of fact, I believe that he is probably doing it all again, using people and being a general parasite to society. You know the research, you can not make him understand. He has no interest in understanding, but you understand and you have compassion and heart. He is a nothing to you, he basically robbed you and there is nothing you can do. You must accept that!!!!
I know that you have anger at yourself for believing and putting your faith into a sick person, I know that you made a mistake. But, your mistake does not hold a candle to the actions of this crazy person. He is a crazy person and yes, he is doing it again. I know how badly you would like to see him in prison, but you can't hold on to his crimes. he is criminal, you are not. OK, what do you want?
I want to forgive him, I do not want to wake up angry, I do not want his actions against me to take up precious real estate in my brain. What he did makes me angry, that he thought that it was acceptable.
He doesn't care about what is acceptable, he is a sick person. He hurts animals and you are lucky that he didn't hurt you, you were next you know. He hated that you found him out, he was angry that you knew what he was. He expected you to buy all of his crap and not question why he acted abusively. He thinks that he wasn't abusive. He thinks so what if I was abusive, I'm not doing it anymore.
How nice of him to stop abusing me, how sweet. I guess that once he stopped abusing me, he thought that his part was over. it is over in the physical sense, but what the heck do I do with all of my anger. His abuse was bad and for a long time, he took from me things that I can not get back. There is nothing he can say about it because he lies constantly, every word is a lie.
Well then, have a little compassion for yourself and you are strong. You don't need to confront him to heal, he is a nothing, he is doing it again with a new victim. She will figure it out, just like you figured it out. Please, stop emailing him, please, he is poison, he is pure evil and you are not.
Ok, I will make that commitment to myself, every time you want to email him or you get angry at him, email yourself. Please, you know how dangerous he is, stop putting yourself in harms way. He destroys his victims, that's what he does. he does not care about himself, he hates himself. Just like you started self abusing yourself, he does this on a constant basis. The difference is that you do love yourself, you do know that you did not deserve this in your life.
He is still sick, he will always be sick. You will not, you are fixing you so you can be happy. He will never be happy because he has no empathy and eats his victims soul. how can a person like that be happy?
I really don't care about him, I just have residual anger about the acts of abuse he inflicted and his sense of entitlement.
Trust in god to work on him, God works miracles all the time. Trust in God to work on you, because you are so nice. God hasn't abandoned you, everyone in your life loves you and thinks you're great.
I don't care what he thinks of me, It's what I think of him, that's the problem.
You must forgive this sick guy, really. You don't have to accept his past behaviors in your life, you can not accept them right now. you can be strong right now. what he did to you is really not your problem, it's his and what he's about, thank God it is not about you. He has problems, problems beyond your scope, that's good. you do not have his disease of conscience, he has it and he will infect someone else, and then someone else, and then someone else. The only way he will stop is if he chooses to delve into himself and admit truths that he can not face. You face your truths, you seek until you find, you want to be the best you can be. You see, you are free. Yes, he robbed you and stole your soul temporarily, but you have it back. You don't need to hold on to him because he is from satan, he is the devil. Holding into him is impure because you are not on the devils team, he is. Getting mad at him and having anger towards him gives the devil power over you and you are an angel. Please, do not hand him that power, it's all you got.
Yes, he did horrible, unspeakable things to you. But, by holding onto this anger you give him power again, and that is just what he thrives off of. He loves the power. Every email you send tells him he is in charge, but he is not in charge, you are. Please, if you really love yourself and you abhor evil, you will never, ever let him in your brain, take him out. His healing is his business, not yours.
I understand that you went through a lot and you feel connected to him because he was the reason why you got pregnant and then had to get an abortion and that experience killed a piece of you. Mourn that piece, he would take more if he could, he would do worse things to you, if he could. But he can't, because you would never allow it and he knows that. He knows what he did, but does not give a flying crap. why??? because he is a terrible person, he set you up to fall and then laughed at your fall. He is unholy and coming from a place that you can't relate to, That's good because you are good and he is evil. Don't you see that, why are you confused???? It's so simple.
Fight evil right now by taking him out of your mind. He is doing work of the devil, you are not. As long as he is in your mind, you will be infected with his disease. fight him by taking him out of your mind, he is not worthy of anything and trust me, he will be faced with the consequences of his illness over and over. He will either have to face the truth and heal himself or continue to sickly abuse. He is a lost cause and a lot of other people have to deal with his unholy acts, god bless them and give them strength. Give yourself that strength and put his evil acts against you in the wastepaper basket, they were acts of the devil.
Start fresh today because you are worth today, No contact.
Love,
Me
With Gratitude to our Member 'betterwithouthim' for writing this letter. |
