The next step is to let go of your compulsive endeavours to 'cure' the Narcissist and give up your hope that your parent or partner will be miraculously changed into the loving, empathic and caring person that you want him or her to be. You have most likely been trying to bring about this dream for a long long time, and it is not easy to come to the point of letting it go. The golden rule is that if what you have been doing hasn't achieved your goal you need to stop doing it... that is logical and sensible.
N-Courage – Recovery of the Abused
http://www.n-courage.net/recovery.htm
If you desire to have a relationship with a known sociopath there is something wrong with you. That something can be ignorance of the disorder and its dangerousness./DIV>
Lovefraud.com - Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?
Ken Doka has defined disenfranchised grief as “the grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported.” In other words, in disenfranchised grief, a person who has suffered a loss does not have the right to act as if he/she is bereaved.
Disenfranchised Grief
http://worth.statesmanblogs.com/entry.aspx?q=cb459f0b-d7e4-4680-a0eb-986e000dda3a
For some the question, "Does evil exist?" is philosophical. But for those who've been victimized, there is no question at all.
The Difference Between "Sick" and "Evil" By Andrew Vachss
http://www.vachss.com/av_dispatches/parade_071402.html
Whenever you feel that urge to give in and try to contact your ex, stop! Intercept your thoughts, resist the temptation and divert by redirecting your interests elsewhere with more self-gratifying activities. You will feel so much better when you walk away with your pride intact and your head held high.
Stages of Healing
http://edumped.com/healingstages.html
INTRODUCING SID - SEEMINGLY IRRELEVANT DECISIONS Seemingly Irrelevant Decisions are the first ones of a series of decisions that we may choose to make, that lead us further and further into danger, and off the original path we set off on.
You've decided to leave - now what?
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER
/youvedecidedtoleavenowwhat.msnw
Work on the confusion. The first thing you need to address is your confusion about what is right/wrong, good/bad. It's characteristic for abusive partners to distort your reality to support their illness.
Tears and Healing Our Journey After an abusive Relationship by Richard
Getting Started
http://tearsandhealing.com/reality.htmHelplessness and Neediness of Relationship Partners Maybe you get hooked by the neediness and helplessness of your relationship partners. You find yourself hooked when your partners get into self-pity, "poor me" and "how tough life has been." You find yourself weak when your relationship partners demonstrates an inability to solve personal problems.
10 Hooks that Keep you in Boundary-Less Relationships
http://www.coping.org/relations/boundar/alertb.htm
Second, if you sense your partner’s aggression escalating where you fear being physically attacked, simply leave the home. Go to your neighbors’, a friend’s or relative’s home and inform them of what happened. Telling others will help calm you down, afford you with emotional support and expose the abuser. Most importantly, it will also establish witnesses should you need them to testify at a divorce proceeding. It is also advantageous to bring someone back with you when you return to your home to resolve the argument or when picking up your belongings. Third, keep a journal of all abuse incidents and names of people you told. Also take photos of injuries you sustained or property your partner damaged. If possible, tape-record and/or videotape altercations. Be sure to keep all documentation of abuse in a safe place away from your partner’s reach.
Husband Abuse Aided by Social Legal Biases
Maxine Marz - Columnist and Safety and Security Consultant and Criminologist
http://mensightmagazine.com/Articles/Marz/marz4.htm
Know what you are dealing with. This sounds easy but in fact can be very difficult. All the reading in the world cannot immunize you from the devastating effects of psychopaths. Everyone, including the experts, can be taken in, conned, and left bewildered by them. A good psychopath can play a concerto on anyone's heart strings.
Survival Guide – Predators by Dr. Robert Hare
http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19940101-000027.html
There are parts of us that would rather be punished by unkind people than have to spend one minute being alone by ourselves, because the only way these same parts in us can exist is if they have someone to resent or somehow fear. In this case, we remain in these ruinous relationships because the fear or emptiness we feel in even considering leaving them is felt to be too much to bear on our own. Here is the Key to escaping this captivity: This fear that we experience does feel real, no doubt; but it belongs to an imagined self. Collecting and then consciously cultivating this new knowledge of ourselves points the way out if we will walk with its truth in our hand. Say NO and go! A whole new and independent life awaits you.
Stop Making "Peace" With People Who Would Punish You by Guy Finley
http://www.guyfinley.com/Key_Lessons/Expanded
_Lessons/Further_Understanding/1606/?print=1
"I have no fancy methods for dealing with these people. You can’t really deal with them. If they’re doing something illegal, you can certainly call the police, but most are too clever to do something illegal. My wife uses a good analogy in her speeches. She says trying to make things work with these people is like trying to wrestle with someone who is covered with mud: You’re going to get muddy. No matter what you do or how well you do it or how noble your intentions, you’ll get muddy. So instead of trying to make things work out with these people, the goal is to avoid dealing with them at all."
The Bad Apples
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/
Relationships/khan/thebadapples.html
Prepare for a partial or full break. Sometimes it is simply too hard to make a life in close contact with another whom you find too detached, unstable, or self-absorbed. In this situation you may need to find your courage to do your inner work to be able to make a break-to reconfigure or to leave your relationship.
Living With Difficult People by Robert Caldwell
http://www.holistic.com/holistic/learning.nsf/Title/Living+With+Difficult+People
He thinks he loves you. He swears he loves you. But what good is he if he doesn't treat you like he loves you? Look at the difference between how an Abuser treats a partner and how a healthy, non-abusive man treats a partner at the bottom of this page.
False Love/Real Love
http://www.geocities.com/andifekete/counter.html
In clinical practice, some of the most surprised and shocked individuals are those who have been involved in controlling and abusive relationships. When the relationship ends, they offer comments such as "I know what he's done to me, but I still love him", "I don't know why, but I want him back", or "I know it sounds crazy, but I miss her". Recently I've heard "This doesn't make sense. He's got a new girlfriend and he's abusing her too…but I'm jealous!" Friends and relatives are even more amazed and shocked when they hear these comments or witness their loved one returning to an abusive relationship. While the situation doesn't make sense from a social standpoint, does it make sense from a psychological viewpoint? The answer is - Yes!
Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser by Joseph Carver, PhD
http://drjoecarver.makeswebsites.com/clients/49355/File/love_and_stockholm_syndrome.html
Since they do not process their own emotions, they don't have a clue when it come to understanding emotions in others. They do the worst with partners who are highly emotional and insist on sharing feelings and who try to make the Repressor responsible for their anxiety that remains when there is no clear cut solution to the problem. They do best in relationships with a partner who leaves them alone and who does not insist on their engaging in continual emotional discussion. They do best of all with a partner who does not need closure on problems and has the ability to sweep conflict under the rug, however that rarely happens as they more likely to choose partners who are in touch with their feelings.
Defence Mechanisms that Affect Relationships by Lynne Namka, D. Ed.
http://www.byregion.net/articles-healers/Defense_Mechanisms.html
If you are ready to embrace victory in your relationships, rather than continue in failure, loss, and sadness, then you will be asked some questions. Following that analysis will be a series of suggestions to help you move beyond victim to victory and personal empowerment. This process you are about to go through may be unsettling, especially if it the first time you are encountering it. Are you ready?
Victim to Victor
http://www.aspirenow.com/smooth_04_02_from_victim_to_victory.htm
Be gentle with your own healing process: You, and only you, know how you are feeling and how you are coping with the aftermath of the abuse. Allow yourself to feel however you need to feel, whether it is feeling angry, sad, or regretful. These feelings are all perfectly normal for abuse survivors.
From Victim to Survivor – The Emotions of the Abuse Survivor
http://www.brokenspirits.com/information/the_victim.asp
I have spoken to many victims of abuse who say that the person they met and fell in love with “gradually changed” into a monster. This is often one of the most confusing and distressing aspects of abuse from the victims point of view.
Anatomy of an Abuser
http://www.drirene.com/anatomy_of_abuse.htm
In the end, my years of experience in counseling those who have survived Controller manipulations ultimately terminates against the same realization. The only effective way to deal with a Controller is to avoid him or leave him. Mirroring, restraint and camouflage can help you deal with them, if you must, but life feels infinitely better when they are out of your life -- or you, out of theirs.
ROMEO'S BLEEDING "When Mr. Right Turns Out To Be Mr. Wrong" Part 6 - Conclusion: Counter-control By Roger Melton, M.A., L.M.F.T., CEAP
http://www.obgyn.net/displayarticle.asp?page=/yw/articles/Romeopart6When we finally get to the place in our healing where we have moved on, and are able to forget about them at last, they pop up again. Because, although we have managed to forget about them - and, let’s face it- we are probably relieved, and even GLAD, that they are gone- they haven’t forgotten about US! And for me, this is where the “creep factor” comes in. I find it weird and disturbing to be the focus of someone I no longer think about, who may be planning ways to re-establish contact I’m no longer interested in.
Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Put Up the Christmas Tree
by Rev. Pittelli
http://www.luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548&PID=466836 
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