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"Out of suffering... emerge the strongest souls;
the most massive characters are seared with scars."
Kahlil Gibran "I hope your knowledge of NPs makes you aware that abusive/dysfunctional behaviour encountered in our childhood, often creates victims who are more susceptible to being easily targeted later in their lives."
member quote "I find someone hurting, or with a low opinion of themselves then I shine a bright light on them."
quote from a predator
Danger Zones of Vulnerability: Recently divorced? A romantic breakup? Death in your family? Your natural detection will be thrown off kilter and NPs will spot that and have their radar tuned in your direction. At this time, we may have a tendency to overlook odd behaviour in the NP. Those who want a man to 'look after them', fear loneliness or have magical thinking (gullible/naive) about the reality of human nature are vulnerable. Being raised in abusive / disordered families is also a strong factor in subsequently becoming involved with NPs.
"There is no "typical victim". Women in all walks of life, wealthy and poor, smart and dumb, tall and short, head turning and less so - all fall prey to abuse."
Dr. Sam Vaknin Non-Narcissists that tend to attach themselves to narcissistic people may have been conditioned to accept such behaviour as a result of exposure to Narcissistic parents. If you desire to have a relationship with a known sociopath there is something wrong with you. That something can be ignorance of the disorder and its dangerousness.
Dr. Leedom (Psychiatrist) Almost every woman will encounter at least one of these control-obsessed men in her lifetime ROMEO'S BLEEDING When Mr. Right Turns Out To Be Mr. Wrong
http://www.obgyn.net/displayarticle.asp?page=/yw/articles/Romeopart1 First and foremost, the narcissist's partner must have a deficient or a distorted grasp of her self and of reality. Otherwise, she (or he) is bound to abandon the narcissist's ship early on.
The Spouse / Mate / Partner of the NarcissistDr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq6.html Narcissists are aided, abetted and facilitated by four types of people and institutions: the adulators, the blissfully ignorant, the self-deceiving and those deceived by the narcissist.
Facilitating Narcissism Author Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal62.html
"I come from a dysfunctional background. Quite honestly, I have great difficulty understanding as an adult when I'm being treated in a way that is just wrong."
(member's quote)
Is There an Ideal Source of Supply?
Of course there is (from the narcissist's point of view). The ideal Source of Supply is sufficiently intelligent to qualify as such, sufficiently gullible, submissive, reasonably (but not overly) inferior to the narcissist, has a good memory (with which to regulate the flow of Narcissistic Supply), available but not imposing, not explicitly or overtly manipulative, interchangeable (not indispensable), not demanding (a fatalist to a degree), attractive (if the narcissist is somatic).
Archives of the Narcissism List Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/archive24.html
"She's perfect, because in her own way, Rita is as damaged as me."
Dexter - TV Series
The abuser - stealthily but unfailingly - exploits the vulnerabilities in the psychological makeup of his victim. The abused party may have low self-esteem, a fluctuating sense of self-worth, primitive defense mechanisms, phobias, mental health problems, a disability, a history of failure, or a tendency to blame herself (autoplastic neurosis). She may have come from an abusive family or environment - which conditioned her to expect abuse as inevitable and "normal". In extreme and rare cases - the victim is a masochist, possessed of an urge to seek ill-treatment and pain.
Danse Macabre The Dynamics of Spousal Abuse by Sam Vaknin
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/18046/101460 Why did he/she pick on me?
Because you were good at your job, popular with people, unwittingly invited unfavourable comparison with the bully's inadequacy simply by being competent,
Bullying by Tim Field
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/faq.htm They must not be garrulous, they must be slow, inferior in some important respect, submissive, with an aesthetic appearance, intelligent but passive, admiring (accumulator), emotionally available, dependent and either simple or femme fatale. They are not his type if they are critical, express disagreement, demonstrate superiority, sophistication, independent, or provide unsolicited advice or opinions. The narcissist forms no relationships with such women.
Malignant Self Love Narcissism Re-Visited - Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/msla8.html However I wish to emphasize very strongly that being in relationship with an N changes a person (momentarily) and it is easy to become dependent, insecure and clinging. I recommend that counselors and psychotherapists withhold diagnosis of a person in this situation unless they knew her before or until they have seen the freed version of the individual. The contrast is sometimes striking.
Echo No Longer; The Recovery Process of the Partner of the Person Suffering from a Narcissistically Impaired Personality. Mary Ann Borg Cunen, M.A
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/page.msnw Issues Affecting Targets The rescuer and the bird with the broken wing (negative pattern dysfunctional bonding)
http://www.growingaware.com.au/BONDING_CASES4.htm Narcissists can be happily married to submissive, subservient, self-deprecating, echoing, mirroring and indiscriminately supportive spouses. They also do well with masochists. But it is difficult to imagine that a healthy, normal person would be happy in such a follies-a-deux ("madness in twosome").
Surviving the Narcissist Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html I speak with some mothers who have developed psychiatric symptoms from being abused,
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men Lundy Bancroft
To "qualify" as an inverted narcissist you must CRAVE to be in a relationship with a narcissist, regardless of any abuse inflicted on you by him/her.
The Inverted Narcissist - Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html What is the attraction to drama? The drama addict is hooked on the adrenaline rush of relationships and people that appear wildly exciting in their intensity. Drama addicts confuse the following "exciting" qualities with love:
Are You or Your Partner Addicted to Drama?
http://www.experiencefestival.com/a/Relationships/id/35100
I am very much attracted to vulnerability, to unstable or disordered personalities or to the inferior. Such people constitute more secure sources of better quality narcissistic supply. The inferior offer adulation. The mentally disturbed, the traumatized, the abused become dependent and addicted to me. The vulnerable can be easily and economically manipulated without fear of repercussions.
Archives of the Narcissism List Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/archive25.html The Narcissist has magical thinking. He believes his target to be the new and perfect 'love' that has eluded him...
The narcissist MUST have THE best, the MOST glamorous, stunning, talented, head turning, mind boggling spouse in the WORLD. Nothing short of this fantasy will do. To compensate for the shortcomings of his real life spouse - he invents an idealized figure and relates to it instead. Then, when reality conflicts too often and too roughly with the ideal figure - he reverts to devaluation. His behaviour turns on a dime and becomes threatening, demeaning, contemptuous, berating, reprimanding, destructively critical, and sadistic - or cold, unloving, detached, "clinical". He punishes his real life spouse for not living up to his standards as personified in his Galathea, in his Pygmalion, in his ideal creation. The narcissist plays God.
Archives of the Narcissism List by Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/archive11.html Mixing Oil and Water - Personality Disorders in Relationships
http://www.apa.org/monitor/mar04/mixing.html
These couples are not looking for a cure; in fact, quite ironically, they prefer to dwell in pain. They do not seek advice, and even when they appear to listen and be responsive, they often reject advice, distort the court's recommendation, manipulate truth, and resort back into their painful delusional systems and familiar behaviors through the blaming/withdrawing configurations rather than facing up to the responsibilities through the recognition of limitations in self and other. Another important danger sign to be aware of is the circular, never-ending patterns of behavior. NARCISSISTIC BORDERLINE COUPLES: IMPLICATIONS FOR MEDIATION Joan Lachkar, Ph.D.
http://www.geocities.com/redmondrose/
NARCISSISTIC_BORDERLINE_COUPLES.htm Defence Mechanisms that Affect Relationships by Lynne Namaka, D. Ed.
http://www.byregion.net/articles-healers/Defense_Mechanisms.html Histrionic women - vulnerable to psychopaths
http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/psychopath_2.htm
Alcoholism/Drug/Nicotine/Substance Abuse - Addictive Personality Traits
Pathological 'People Pleasers'
Poor Decision Making/Boundary Skills
Masochistic Personality Disorder (Self-Defeating PD) Dependent Personality Disorder
http://www.mobrien.com/dependent_personality_disorder.htm
Dual Diagnosis and Dependent Personality Disorder (Substance Abuse)
http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/depend.htm Rescuing Personality
http://www.coping.org/lowesteem/rescue.htm 
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