It says in book of guineses,
When God set out to create us,
He toiled quite hard for five long day`s,
Then on the sixth with a lump of clay,
He fashioned something he called MAN
To worship Him and be His fan.
He gave him arms and legs then head,
Then He baked him while He went to bed.
Next morning God examined Man ,
To see if he would fit Gods plan,
But what God saw did not look good
No!! Things did not seem as they should.
For it was hard edged and angular.
And certain bits stuck out to far.
The hair was plastered on its head.
And it smelled just like an unmade bed.
Its morning face resembled ......Death !!
And from its mouth Tobbacco Breath !!
Two plates of meat it called its feet.
And on its chest, clumped fur for vest.
It burped ! It farted ! It scratched at all
Its cavaties."Well Im appalled"
Said God "and I must start again
For this was not at all my plan"
"I`ll rearrange this, adjust that,
Move this here, not quite so flat.
Improve the smell, remove some fur"
"Now !! that looks better.
"I`ll call it HER !!!!!!!!!!!!!
So when God made the Universe, He made it very big.
But for the creatures in it He did not give a fig.
Its said He gave the Humans all that could be had.
But barred them from the knowledge of what was good or bad.
God instructed Adam saying "Iv made you to be free,
You can do as you want to, but you must obey me.
Iv given you free will, so use it very well,
because if you use it badly iwill send you straight to hell."
"You may eat of anything except that Apple tree,"
"Because I cant afford for you ,to become like me."
Well, Adam sat and he pondered , he wondered through the day,
About the inner meaning of what his God did say.
It didnt seem quite fair to place him in this plight,
When he didnt know the diff between what was wrong or right.
And he would still be there tonight if not Eve`s new pet.
A serpent of great wisdom who told him not to fret.
that God was only jelious of what this man could be,
And so to keep him in his place, set up this tyranny.
"You may pray to enything except some effigy"
"Because he cant afford for you, to become like me."
So Adam stood and loudly said" I`ll exercise free will"
"And of forbidden Apple tree I will eat my fill"
"And when I know the differance between whats wrong and right.
I will discuss it with my God when he comes home tonight.
But first sweet Eve Iv noticed that your looking rather nice,
Iv had a good idea and I think I`ll call it vice."
So all day long they frolicked and both knew good and bad.
But when God returned that evening Jehovah! was he mad
"You may play with anything except your own bodies"
"Because I cant afford for you to become like me"
Now God was realy angry, so poor Adam tried to hide
And when God came across him , he said that snake had lied.
That paradice was lost to them because they disobeyed.
And instead of life eternal they had earned the grave.
"Fuck you" said Adam and the snake, while Eve said much the same.
"These loaded dice that you use make this a crooked game
We`ll move from your poor garden and we`ll live in a cave
You can keep your pairOdice and we will take the grave.
But we will find you one fine day and then you best take care.
For it will be our garden then and we will kick you out of there.
BAH HUMBUG!!!!!!!!!
Ohh Christmass is a time of cost
With fortunes gained and fortunes lost.
With gifts demanded yet unearned,
This costly lesson I have learned
The money spent to earn your thanks,
Gets better earnings in the bank.
BAH HUMBUG !! is my Christmass song,
I`ll sing BAH HUMBUG!!all day long.
BAH HUMBUG !! to those far and near.
BAH HUMBUG !! Christmass costs me dear.
So Christ was born on Christmass day,
In stable with no rent to pay.
But I must work, my costs to meet
Or they will throw me on the street BAH HUMBUG !!
So I will do the same to thee,
Unless you pay your rental fee.
BAH HUMBUG !!is my Christmass song,
I`ll sing BAH HUMBUG !! all day long.
BAH HUMBUG !! to those far and near.
BAH HUMBUG !! Christmass costs me dear.
Now Christmass comes but once a year,
And with it come the bills I fear.
You ask me for a day of work !!!!!
A day of pay on which you shurk, BAH HUMBUG !!
What with the price of coal and bread,
I`ll not break even till Im dead.
BAH HUMBUG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RAPTURE BLUES
My mommagon told me the end was at hand.
The Good Lords a bringing forth the promised land.
We stood on the mountain and waited, in vain,
For the Arch Angel Michal to come again.
Singing those old Rapture Blues
The Lords gonna shine on my poor soul one day.
We live by the Good Book and faithfully pray
We look to the Heavens for His shining light.
We waited all day. We waited all night.
Singing those old Rapture Blues.
Those Oldtime Postponed Rapture Blues.
Oh Gabrial save us from the Tempters plan.
So we can ignore the science of man.
The Bible can tell us what knowledge canot.
To save us from Athiest Communist plot.
Singing those old Rapture Blues.
Those Oldtime Postponed Medevil Rapture Blues.
